Saturday, May 21, 2005
& Now My Dad
Late last night, I got a call from my sister, which is extremely unusual. How often does a teenager call family members on a Friday night? What she said would have been the last thing I could have guessed. She told me that my dad is in the hospital and that he has a brain tumor. He has had horribly bad headaches as long as I can remember. I have them too they run in the family, so we mostly do our best to ignore them. Anyway, I guess yesterday it was so bad that it could not be ignored. His wife drove him to the hospital. I don't know what kinds of tests were run (teenagers aren’t the best for getting detailed information out of), but they found a tumor. They were unable to get a neurosurgeon to look at him, so he had to stay there and hopefully one will see him today. My sister is going to the hospital with my dad's wife. -That is all the information I know.
After I hung up, I called my youngest brother & he hadn't heard anything. I told him to call one brother & I'd call the other. The one I called had his phone off. He has little ones & had probably been in bed for a while. So, I left a rather blunt message. That should be shock this morning.
Steve & I ended up going to bed after midnight. I went to sleep rather quickly, as usual. This morning, I was wide awake by 4:30 am. I don't know why my insomnia always comes in the morning. I started thinking about my relationship with my dad. Anyone who knows me fairly well knows that the relationship has not been good. He has definitely tried to improve it over the years, but I have chosen to remain distant from him. I feel I have worked through all of the things that were bothering me, but that I don't need a good relationship with him. There are many things about him that I just don't like in a person. Occasionally, I send him e-mail updates, but I remain fairly impersonal.
This morning, while thinking about him, I realized that I am probably being too selfish. Our relationship has always bothered him to no end. I know that he has spend countless nights worried about it & praying until he makes himself ill. Perhaps, I need to send him a letter explaining some things that I know he has been trying to figure out & letting him know that I don't hate him. You may think that I am doing this to resolve things before he dies, but it isn't that. I don't even know what he is going to face. Besides, I believe that things become much clearer on the other side and that he will understand much more than he ever will here. I just think that your health is a lot better when your mind and emotions are positive. -I guess I need to think about this.
By the way, it wasn't that long ago that I was hoping for life to get easier - not harder.
my name
Husband:
Steve
Baby: Lexi (born Jan 26th)
This blog is like a journal for me. It is also a way for my friends to keep tabs on me.
For people who don't know me, I come from a big family (3 brothers & 1 sister). We moved around a LOT, so I am not really from one particular place. I like to call Katy, Texas my home though.
Recent news, my Dad & Mother-in-Law were diagnosed with Terminal Cancer in April/May of 2005. My dad passed away 5-Dec-05 .
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