Saturday, November 19, 2005
Difficult Dad Discussions I didn't really have to call. I knew exactly how everyone would react; 3 would be fine and 1 would freak out. I called my brother just younger than me first because he lives right by the one that would freak out. I told him the situation and he agreed that we shouldn't put him through another surgery just for the possibility of conversation. By the way, who knows if he'll even recognize us those days that he is able to speak? I called the next oldest in line & left a message. I knew for sure that he wouldn't mind. Then, I called the one that would freak out & left a message. I called my little sister last. She lives near my dad and has been able to see him several times over the last few months. She was fine with not having another surgery.
Last night, I got a call from my dad's wife. She said this was a really tough call to make and she started crying. I thought she was going to say that he is going down hill fast and that we needed to get there ASAP. She took a deep breath and told me that the fluid on his brain is back to where it was 2 weeks ago (before his last surgery). This makes him very tired and unable to communicate much. She was worried that we would all be there for Thanksgiving and would be unable to have any special conversations with him. She also said that the doctor doesn't want to do transfer him back to the hospital downtown to drain the fluid again, but she would try to convince him if that was our wishes. Right now, he has a 3 month life expectancy, but draining the brain again would add two more weeks (basically put him back to where he was 2 weeks ago). Another point is that he will be downtown and it will take over an hour to get there each day. (She didn't say it, but that puts a burden on her.) As far as Thanksgiving is concerned, he might get a day pass from the rehab hospital that he is in. If he is downtown, he will not be able to leave for the day. I told her that I wasn't bothered by his inability to communicate, but that I would call my siblings to find out how they felt and get back to her. She was quite relieved by that.
Finally, I got a hold of the freak out one and guess what... He freaked out. He got quite angry and said that it wasn't up to us and that we had to give my dad whatever he wanted. He felt that if my dad wanted to prolong his life even by a day that we should get the surgery everyday if necessary. I think that it is strange to think our dad would want to stay alive since he is closer & closer to a vegetable state. We talked for a while and I told him that I remembered something about dad saying he didn't want anymore surgeries. When we got off the phone, I called my sister and asked her for sure. He definitely said, "Under no circumstances do I want more of this (meaning treatments & surgery)." That was before they drained his brain last time. I called my brother back and he said, "That's fine, if that's what he wants."
Later, I got a hold of the other brother & he didn't want more surgeries either. Six in six months should be enough. --- Fun conversations for a Friday night, right?
my name
Husband:
Steve
Baby: Lexi (born Jan 26th)
This blog is like a journal for me. It is also a way for my friends to keep tabs on me.
For people who don't know me, I come from a big family (3 brothers & 1 sister). We moved around a LOT, so I am not really from one particular place. I like to call Katy, Texas my home though.
Recent news, my Dad & Mother-in-Law were diagnosed with Terminal Cancer in April/May of 2005. My dad passed away 5-Dec-05 .
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